Ah, the dating scene. So weird. So unpredictable. So how it’s always has been….
Recently, I decided to give dating the old college try. Not the college try I would have given it while I was in college, because I was married with children and one of them was Autistic. One simply gives college the standard try during such times in their life….college was my job and there was little fussing about it.
No, at this time in my life I decided that maybe, with some friends as great examples (think Teri and Kim), that I would just try to give up some of my reservations and, you know. Meet people.
My daughter had some great success from a free dating website and suggested I take a look at it. So, sometime around the beginning of this calendar year, I gave it the old college try. I joined up. So much for college tries, eh? That’s what I consider a college try. Doing lots of things at the spur of the moment and then wading through the mess.
Except this time there wasn’t much of a mess. I found out that these sites were full of online out of the country scammers who began messages like this:
How are you doing?I love your smile and your beauty has really captured my attention,I believe you are specially made by God.Well I’m honest and straight forward,i will really like to know more about you,Do you have a yahoo id so that we can connect over there. this is Mine *****@yahoo.com ..I will be looking forward to hear from you.Have a wonderful day dear,
Or, something like this:
I really admire your beauty, your beauty got me speechless and You have the sweetest, kindest eyes I’ve seen on a woman. They say, ‘A picture is worth a thousand words,’ but when I saw yours, I was speechless,,,my name is Danny Ricky and I was going through the site when your profile called my attention and I most confess you really look great with a cute smile,,,,I would really love to spend time knowing more about you. You really caught my eyes, they can’t be enough
Of course Word here corrected most of the grammar mistakes, many of them were uncapitalized personal pronouns. I love that. Not that this makes much of a difference, except to me of course, but my online handle at this dating website is “sapiophile” You know. Impress me with your intellect. And then I get short, choppy messages like the one above.
Or, worse yet, I get phishing messages from little squirts like the ones below:
- Will you roll play a teacher for me?
No, not a nice job; you’re nineteen for crying out loud. I do not want to date outside of my stated interests. Kids are kids. I’m not a kid.
Worse yet are men that know what my handle means, are interesting and yet married; they are no-nos. I spent seventeen or eighteen messages into a fun conversation with a man before I realized what I was doing wasn’t in my parameters of what I was comfortable with. I guess I had to give it a try, you know?
Below is an excerpt of our conversations:
- · That’s a very intriguing look in your picture, but I can tell almost nothing about you from your profile. Of course, I find it a little weird putting some of this stuff “out there” myself. I see you are “looking” for guys 31 – 82. Doesn’t just about every guy on OKC fit that criterion?
Sent on Feb 1
- · I did have an extensive profile up, but after being hounded by outside-of-the-country-Lotharios, I yanked everything down and started over.Thanks for pointing that out, although I can tell by the way they pop off a form letter who is who now.
Sent on Feb 1
Lothario – word for the day, and not one I hear used very often. OF course, the next question that springs to mind is whether the domestic Lotharios are better. Anyway, I see your point. But since I am new to this OKC thing, do people really pop off form letters?
Sent on Feb 1
Unfortunately, yes they do. They start off with a compliment and then jump into something like:have you had any luck here, how long have you been on ********, I was just going to delete my account, I think you are my soulmate, I’m willing to move where you are, chat me up here:(blah blah).
Not that I’ve had the next experience but for a couple of months (or whatever)there’s constant texting , phone calls (but they’re accents are thick) and after a short honeymoon period, bam(!) they need $35,000 for something.
Pretty sad, huh? I tend to think we’re all complicit in what for on in our daily lives-good or bad.
Besides all that drama, does something similar not happen to guys here? (With women of course :))
Just curious. Not that I’m looking for a part time gig or anything like that.
So I’ve had my good and my bad. I actually met a guy who really chatted me up in the beginning. He is nice, but definitely a man who is more used to work than relaxation.
- · My dance card is also tricky. I have multiple jobs, and teach.
Looking for a woman to spend some of my time with, is a move to find sanity and balance.
You just moved into a priority setting!
Conveiniantly (for me); Wed am, Fri or Sat..your pick!, Sun eve, some Thurs evenings….like now.
Sent on Jan 30
I was too interested in sharing a time that we could sit with a cup and chat.
The phrasing came out bad. If you would permit me….
Hi, I’m Scott.
For the years that I have been on my own, I have supplemented any spare time with work.
I need to have a life outside of my work; to go to a movie, a meal out, hiking, and so on.
I cannot think of a better way to change my schedule, then to find someone who’s company I value, to share these activities with! This is what I ment by priority.
Give me a reason to get out of the shop, studio, classroom.
Not all of my intellectual conversation should concern art, design, and fabrication.
I look forward to a conversation with you!
We started to message each other a lot, met, and then took about a month off. He had things to do, and my home life suddenly took a turn for the deeper. I had things to do, not all of them fun and sunshine. We met again a week or so ago, for a documentary called “20 Feet From Stardom” at a local Beer and Movie place called Brewvies.
I’ve never been to Brewvies. Apparently he knew everyone there, from the owner of the place to the DJ’s from the local community based radio station, KRCL. It was a little daunting. I didn’t get introduced, but I did get eyeballed. Not a bad thing. I am familiar with being arm candy, I’m just getting a little old and I wasn’t appropriately dressed.
I mean, really. How do you react when the business minded guy starts pitching his business to uninterested past customers? Ah well. He needs to learn to relax. He was fun at times, we have very similar outlooks on life, and relaxation is something I could relearn, too.
You get what you put into a thing, that’s a saying I really enjoy. I’m learning to put in, just a little more. Maybe.
Wish me luck. There’s a new one on the horizon and we seem to be equally matched. Oy Vay!